I woke up this morning around 4 am.
(Now anyone who knows me knows I co sleep. Keep your opinions to yourself. I don’t care)
You always hear so many crazy stories about parents cosleeping with their children. The only crazy story that I have is the fact that I need to buy a bigger bed because now the dog tries to sleep in the bed
Anyways I woke up this morning at 4 AM to check on the kids even though there next to me I sleep pretty lightly and I always wake up to check them. My youngest son Nathaniel really likes being patted On his back to go to sleep. But when I woke up this morning I woke up to him sitting there staring at his sister which was odd because normally he cries.
Want to gained my composure and I really woke up I looked down and I see her patting him on his back to try to get him to go back to sleep. No I’ve never told her to do this I’ve never asked her to do this this is something she did completely out of love for her little brother and I know it sounds crazy because she’s too but people who always complain about cosleeping never mention the benefits they only ever mention the risks. I’ve had three kids in eight years and I have co slept with every single one.
And it’s moments like this that reinforce my believes in cosleeping
It’s 2008. I’m in high school maybe 11th grade. You exit the school and it was common place for girl to be getting picked up by their 25-30 year old bfs. These girls are all 14,15,16 years old. No one said anything.
It’s early 2003. I’m riding in the car with my two male cousins I nod off, I feel them slowly rubbing my leg and messing with my tights. I pretended to be asleep. When I was asked why I was upset I choked at answering.
It’s 1995 there’s a little boy whose 8 playing with kids at a family members house. The older girl asks him to show her his penis. He does.
THESE ARE ALL sexual assault. A child cannot consent. No one addresses the touchy uncles or brothers or cousins or aunts who call their nephews sexy. No one stops the damage they ignore it and just keep an eye on their kids.
Stop sweeping it under the rug. Talk about it. Explain to your sons and daughters what consent is.
I think my biggest pet peeve has to be the vast majorities lack of accountability. It’s as if being wrong or doing something fucked up is the worst thing in the world. Every single person on this earth makes mistakes. HOW CAN YOU GROW, if you refuse to admit where you were wrong. Self-Growth is a huge part of maturing. I will never trust a person who swears their always right in every situation they encounter. That’s not even logical.
Even situations with our friends you always hear how the other person was always wrong. Never both sides. I want more people to admit when they are wrong. I want more people to apologize. I want more people to own up to their personal flaws. I want people to stop acting like being wrong sometimes isn’t normal.
If you’ve viewed my page you’ll see there is no about me section. It’s the part i have struggled with the most. What do i even say? I created this blog to rediscover who I am and now I have to sum up who I am when I don’t even know. I never know what to say when people want to know more about me. I know other people create some generic introduction with there name and basic personal facts like hometown and age but when you read an about me section what do you want to read? Am I over thinking this, probably. But when i go to a persons about me section it’s because I’ve connected with their sites posts as is so an about me section should be a bonus. Maybe a link to their favorite songs or art sites etc. An About me section sums up who you are as a person and a blogger. I’ve never been so stumped at writing venture then I am with my About me section.
When you are born you are guaranteed only one thing, that isn’t life, love, money, talent or opportunities. It’s death.
This is no way me advocating death.
There comes a time in every ones life that you realize and i mean really realize how insignificant the vast majority is. No matter what our impact is during life we all meet the exact same fate. Its a cruel game we are born into with no choice or say in the matter. We aren’t all born with a life starter kit, no one teaches you as a teenager about taxes or proper interpersonal communication skills. We rely on society to dictate almost every aspect of our lives. Hobbies and occupations are dictated by the community you live in, your personality is molded by people around you.
The time you spend between life and death whether that is 17 years or 97 years should be spent happy. People say life is short but come on its the longest thing your ever gonna do. Why spend it miserable or “content”? Why wake up every morning wishing you had a different life. If we step outside of the little box we put ourselves in we can open up an entire subset of motivated and determined people. People who know that regardless the size of our individual impact we have the power as people to ensure the next generations are more informed and better prepared for what lies ahead and not thrust blindly into a cold, unforgiving world. A world that is headed in the same direction with the exact same outcome as every other living organism on this planet.
There is an entire subset of people who believe age shouldn’t be a factor when determining a persons state of mind or mindset . There is no adult person on this earth who has the exact same mindset they had when they were teenagers. You can’t expect a person who has little life experience to see the world doesn’t revolve around them. The sad reality is the fact that the inexperience is the reason why they can’t see where they need to hold themselves accountable. As we age our brain continues to develop. In 10 years my mindset may be different, and that’s okay. Because it’s a part of being human.
I’m sitting at my desk after having a pretty crappy day. I’ve always been that person that felt every thing so much more strongly than other people. The person who can sense what other people are feeling and it sucks because I absorb their emotions. Today has been a particularly bad day because everyone is kind of bummed about Christmas this year. Being an empath sometimes can take a toll on your physical state. Your moods become erratic. one moment depressed, the next your perfectly fine , an hour later your raging mad.
This year has been added to my top ten worst years ever. I cant say ill ever forget this year. 2018 chewed me up and spit me out emotionally. I just want anyone who reads this to know its not the end of the world if you’re dealing with a rush of confusing emotions. Focus on one solve your issue slowly and repeat. Take your time feelings are complex representations of your sub-conscience reality. Breathe. You’ve got this.
At this point currently, I have literally no idea what I am doing. That goes for more than one aspect of my life. As a woman you hold so many fcking titles. Mother, daughter, sister, wife, friend, cousin, aunt. The list of things we’re expected to be. As of right now my fork in the road is more like an octopus shaped fork. This blog is supposed to bring a sense of structure back into my life. There are so many people who depend on me to be my best, but how can i be my best if i don’t even know what my best is?
So i sit here before you guys with open arms, an open mind and a open heart. My focus needs focus and I hope along the journey to enlightenment I can inspire at least one person. That all i ask and din return I will open my life you you via this blog and Youtube (coming soon).
We all have some sort of version of what being a “hoe” is. Even Webster defines the word “hoe” a dozen ways. But what makes a woman a hoe and a man ” the man”. The concept is the same, have sex with multiple people with little or no emotional connection. Do you have to have an emotional connection to not be considered a hoe. Absolutely not. Lets be real here, we are all guilty of judging a person based off of who they had sex with. But why, why is it women aren’t allotted the same respect men are when it comes to sexual conquests, and why is there a stigma attached to women having the same openness with there sexuality. If there was ever a moment where we stopped to think about it, it’s now.
Have you ever encountered a person who has seemingly no emotions. We all have right. Well how many of you decided to procreate with them. YEP that would be me 8 years ago. My son has now inherited that lack of emotional empathy. His father lets call him….christian, was appalled at the idea that our son may have an emotional disturbance. This is when he was 3/4, hitting kids in preschool. At 8 years old he has taught my two year old how to bite herself and has even got caught choking her and hitting his 3 year old cousin 5 year old sister and 1 year old cousin. THAT is just the tip of the iceberg. His suspension list for this year alone is 5x. Each ranging from Punching a girl in the head because she took his backpack to spitting on another child because HE, MY son accidentally kicked the child and he was mad that the other boy was mad, so he spit on him. His latest incident he walked out the front door to the school no supervision and went to a friend of mines house. He just left.
I’m at a parental impasse. What do i do. He constantly manipulating everyone. He has had issue with hitting himself and I am worried but I am also afraid of who he will become if the doctors out him on medication.
Signed – a mother without one